I Love My Toothbrush
I love the way it rubs against my soft pink flesh
and creates a foamy liquid
as it thrusts in and out up and down
I can’t wait for the next time
I love my toothbrush
My Christmas Rosary
My Christmas Rosary I say
For you upon this blessed day;
Each prayer a precious Christmas Rose
To please the Baby Child, who knows
How many joys I wish for you;
May every one of them come true!
I Went To The Pub
I went to the pub with my brother
For a Christmas, lunchtime drink
While my wife cooked the dinner
And washed up at the sink
We got thrown out at 4 o’clock
Full of Christmas cheer and gin
We got home ready for Christmas lunch
And found it in the bin.
There Was A Farmer
There was a farmer named Gary
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head.
There Was A Young Lady
There was a young lady named May
Who was taking a ride in her sleigh.
She ran out of snow,
Her sleigh wouldn’t go.
Old Fellow
There was an old fellow named Claus
With a case of the mid-winter blahs.
Taught his reindeer to fly
So they took to the sky.
Last Night
Last night I found my sweetheart Flo,
Posed neath a spray of mistletoe.
“How come”, said I, “when Christmas Day
Is still a good long week away?”
When Christmas Comes
When christmas comes already yet,
Mit presents large and sweet.
The tings I like in mein stockings best,
By jiminiy, are my feet!